Operation Porl

One fine Summer’s day in the popular seaside town of Felixstowe, where rich Victorians still flock to this day, Sailor Karen had honed her grabby-machine-thing skills to the point where she was lucky enough to win a beautiful plush horse. Anyone else would be thrilled to bits with this acquisition and content to live out their days in ownership of such an item, but not our Karen. While staring into its wonky eyes she saw a kinda grotesque yet strangely beautiful vision: why, this horse is one half of something much better! It just has the wrong head!

Naturally we were horrified. We thought perhaps we could deter Karen from her Frankenstein-like plan by attaching some sentiment to the horse, and so we gave it a name. But we realised to our despair that this would not work, and Alvin’s fate was sealed.

At this point I agreed to help Karen fulfil her vision, as if she was going to butcher these animals, it might as well be done well.

What took place next was a noble quest to seek out the other half; the “brains of this operation” if you will. We scoured toy shops, charity shops, random shops and other shops and went through many possibilities including the head of the Incredible Hulk, stuffed animals in a posh shop whose owner told us we “couldn’t cut up his animals”, and a sock. In the last charity shop we visited Karen disappeared, returning a few moments later with a small white carrier bag. She had discovered, she told us, a small green tortoise with a head that could pass for a fluffy lizard. If she had had any doubts, they were quickly dispelled by the tortoise’s bold proclamation emblazoned upon its chest… “Go for it”.

“That’s nice” said the lady behind the counter as Karen paid, little did she know what awaited our furry friend.

And so armed with beady-eyed Alvin and the erroneously-named “Go for it Turtle”, we chose the next day for realization of the dream.

The operation was a success. Later, we took him t’ pub back home in the Swich where he met a fair few admirers, but luckily enough was not asked for ID.